Yikes… lost two days somewhere.

I found out today that my co-worker had heard that my boss was planning on firing me anyway. Not that it is a surprise… my position was the first to go based on sales. He did a noble thing and said “if you fire him, you’ll have to fire me too.” Spiderman surprised me when he said that as my supervisor, the responsibility was on him that we (I) was not performing adequately. I say surprised because this would have been the same thing that I would have said. Spiderman likes to take shortcuts and it would have been in-character for him to simply nod to our boss and say “you’re the boss… I’ll tell him he’s got two weeks.”

It could be that he’s grown up a little over the past few years I’ve worked with him. It could be that maybe I’ve influenced him somehow. Good guys always finish last in this world of reproach. On several occasions I’ve taken responsibility for my own actions when I could have easily avoided the incident with plausible deniability (which that word did not exist until 1973). It’s like I’m out to make my life harder than it has to be.

But you have to understand the job I work. The owner tries to run the company with Christian values. He’ll say stuff to Spiderman like “you’re the supervisor… you should lead by example. If you’re not following up with your subordinates… then their failure is actually yours.” Then something will happen and he will act completely contrary to these moral orations. So… when Spiderman heard he was going to fire me, he was tired of the double talk. We are ALL pretty much burnt out on this job. Maybe he was just pushing to get fired. Maybe he was just curious to see if the boss was going to “follow through” like he always says for us to do. Needless to say… I’m still here.

I guess that is why the boss seemed so relieved that I put in my resignation. It served his purpose without forcing him to contradict himself in front of Spiderman. This is typical of my job. It’s family owned so other family members pretty much do whatever they want with no repercussions. Like when it’s just me at the store and the store manager doesn’t help with any of the work because he’s the brother to the boss. Stuff like that.

Any job will have a certain bullshit factor. However, this is the third time I’ve worked at a family owned business and it’s the third time I’ve elected to leave because of the gross mismanagement of the company. You would think I would have figured it out by now.

This has been one crazy year for me. Especially within the last couple of months. My journey through life has so may twists and turns that it’s a daunting task figuring out what to hold on to. Of course my age (nearing 40 now) is beginning to limit the opportunities presented to me… and the desperation of coming decrepitude challenges my judgement.  I’ll no longer be able to say I’m in my ‘thirties’. I can’t help to wonder how old I’ll get to be. More importantly, I’m wondering who will be around to help take care of me.

Ah well… I’ve got one good year left. Let’s see what kind of trouble I can get into for my 40th birthday.

There are many things I’d like to change about myself. I don’t have nearly enough friends for one thing. I REALLY REALLY need to discipline my studying habits. I can feel the impatience thick like an invisible force whenever I try learning something new. My mind wants to be lazy… my body as well. It wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds. These all are tasks that can be changed.

I want to learn how to dance. I want to sing. I want to be someone that other people want to know. I want to influence people to do better when they are around me.

But I guess most importantly… I want  God to be proud of me.

I’ve got to try!

I have a day off! And on that day off I find that I am off… my back is off. I had to schedule an appointment for a chiropractor this morning. They took x-rays and I got an adjustment… the doc was muscular so he made it look really easy. He looked to be about my age but I’ve done the chiro thing before… so I could see some of the smooth-talking he was throwing my way to get me to do some “therapy”.

However, my body does have a new ache and pain here and there and he was able to guess a few things about my lifestyle without asking any details. I’ll try his method to see if it will make a difference. More importantly… I now have another reason to exercise and lose weight. It’s not really an optional thing anymore the older I get. Unless I want to invite some serious health issues into my life… it is very necessary to discipline my bad habits.

My lower back pain is due to a disc in stress. My knee trouble most likely stems from the lower back issue. I have an appointment for later this week. Hopefully things well get better from there.

I owe God an apology.

The story goes… about 10 years ago I planted a willow tree in my front yard and I had asked my family to pray over it. This was like a living representation of my relationship with Jesus. We asked that the tree grow tall and strong and healthy. Naturally, I felt that God heard our prayers and as long as that tree stood… it would be like proof that he heard us.

Well that tree got blown down in a windstorm back a few years when we had some hurricanes pass through the Southeastern United States. However, I’m not one to give up easily… especially with something as serious as this tree which represented my Christian beliefs. At the first sign of trouble, stop believing that God hears prayer?! Of course not! I propped that tree back up, I did. It required some chains, a few posts and a nail or two but I set that willow tree back upright. Weeks turned to months and months turned to years. Slowly I removed the supporting aides and eventually the willow stood upright on its own. PROOF that God exists!

Well later that year the tree got blown down again. This time it was snapped off at the stump. There was no resurrection this time because it was a break clean through. I was devastated.

OK, here is an update to the story. I’m willing to concede, although reluctantly at times, when a problem exists due to my own influence. I do have the capacity to admit when I’ve done something wrong. Yesterday after coming home from work, I decided to get a head start on some yard work so I wouldn’t have to spend all day Sunday sweating.  A tree fell over in my back yard and was leaning on my privacy fence. (A fence that I had constructed btw) I was immediately reminded of my old willow that had fallen last year. In fact, it was uncanny that this tree was about the same size and shape and girth. In fact, how the tree fell over was exactly the same as when my willow had initially fallen. There were so many similarities that I had to stop and think.

What are the chances of a tree falling in my yard in the exact same way that are almost exact in size and shape? What did these two trees have in common? That’s when I realized that the common denominator was… my own intervention. I had trimmed the lower branches of this tree identical to my willow so that it would look aesthetically pleasing as well as to allow sunlight to reach the grass underneath the branches. I never thought of how this might affect the tree’s developement. I had assumed the roots would grow at the same rate as the branches but as it turns out… I think I caused the tree to grow taller too quickly. The roots had not grown strong enough to support such a tall trunk so at the first stiff gust of wind… naturally the root branches had broken.

This whole time I had faulted God for some how failing me. Like I wasn’t important enough to be heard or I wasn’t “holy” enough to be of concern to Him. The reality is that I caused the problem from the beginning. That’s like telling someone to fix a car with no tools. Or to buy food with no money. It was my own intervention to “make things look better” that stressed something to a breaking point. It was my own intervention that removed me from God’s protection.

It is for this that I apologize.

I’ve really neglected blogging here lately. Work has been taking the most of my time while what little free time is being spent trying to catch up on what I’ve fallen behind on. I stay up late at night playing BF2142 because the game is just plain fun to play. I try to get a ride in now and then on the bike. About a month ago I did a really sweet ride to Birmingham and visited the acclaimed 29 Dreams Motorcycle Resort.

Lot’s of things going on at home. One of the daughters will be moving out after graduation in a few months. The basement flooded again with all the heavy soaking rain we’ve had recently.  I just got a new pair of glasses which look pretty cool.. I must say. Tax return money has been spent on a bit of home improvements that I’ve been been putting off for a while. Nothing major…just a door and a faucet. We have a new washer and dryer! No more laundromat runs at 2AM. Which reminds me… I’ve got to put a load in the dryer.

I’ve logged in to a few interweb apps and now I’m getting IM’s from four or five people. Time to catch up with a few. that’s all for now.