My boss loves this phrase… “a sense of urgency”. The context is: to act as though your tasks are of extreme importance or that you are dealing with a task of extreme importance. I am pondering this phrase because of something I’ve seen on YouTube by “Penn” of “Penn and Teller”. He does these little snippets of opinionated monologues about random things happening in his life. Kinda like an audio-video blog.

One episode of “Penn says” talks about how he is an atheist and he was proselytized by a Christian after one of his shows in Las Vegas. The irony of an atheist condemning Christians who DON’T proselytize. I respect Penn for the acknowledgment of what a true Christian should be doing but in that same instant… I condemn myself.

When was the last time that I had asked if someone knew of Jesus Christ?  How many people have I led to Christ? When was the last time YOU led someone to Christ? If we all truly believed in a heaven and a hell… wouldn’t we all be jumping at the chance to make sure no one would be left behind?

During my YouTube tour I had come across related videos to the topic of atheism. Talk show excerpts with guests who had written books about how there is no God and how religion leads people into ignorance.  “Religion is fine as long as you don’t teach it to my children” one guest had said. Another author purported how he was “dedicated to truth.” Truth to him is only what can be demonstrated by facts.

The talk show host had throw out some statistics of how the atheist “movement” has gained momentum and that their numbers are much higher than was has been surveyed. Comparisons of the atheist movement and the gay rights movement were also mentioned. I tend to agree with their opinion’s… the complacence of our society reminds me much of the decline of the Roman Empire.

I find myself being more and more concerned with our future as a country… or for the planet for that matter. It truly seems as though we are headed for the end times that the Bible has spoken of. This is very unsettling when I stop and think of how we are so afraid to take a stand and fight against the darkness that creeps closer to our lives.

Lately I’ve been trying to get back into the church going thing. I’ve felt very detached from my spiritual life although its something I think about quite often during the day. Probably as much as I think of sex which is why I struggle at times about where I stand as a Christian. This is not to say that all Christians don’t think about sex… after all we are all still human beings. It’s just that I tend to doubt my sincerity when my mind wanders about female nakedness. I am reminded of a Bible verse… James 3:10 where it talks about the same mouth that blesses… curses. That is should not be so.

The latest Dark Knight movie has me captivated. Aside from the sense of loss as I’m watching a dead man’s last performance… the film seems to peer into what seems so prevalent in today’s society. What is morality? Ethics serves what purpose for whom? Are we all evil and just fooling ourselves into thinking otherwise? To an anarchist… the rules that we follow are simply inhibitors to the natural order of things. It’s all trivial and meaningless. Fighting an anarchist without becoming one would require ten times the effort because of all the rules required to do so. As the saying goes… “an honest dollar requires twice the effort than a stolen one”.

In the end it’s really just about the choices we make. That’s why being a Christian is so difficult. The world in general is anarchy that doesn’t particularly care for the rules of Jesus Christ. They are all hindrances to the natural order of things.  I realized several years ago that the only reason why the world has not annihilated itself is because the Holy Spirit resides on this Earth. Perhaps we take that for granted since the Spirit falls on Christian and non-Christian alike.We choose which will to follow… the Spirit’s or our own.

Well enough of me sounding like a hypocrite.

I posted a while back about a tree that we planted and how it was knocked over by a wind storm… snapped off at the root. It shook my faith because of how it symbolized my relationship with God since our family prayed over it when we planted it. More importantly, it shook my faith because this same tree was blown over a couple of years ago but survived after I had set and braced it right. That’s where the symbolism had set in because I KNEW the tree survived because we prayed over it. A windstorm is an act of God. Why would God now kill this tree?

The questions began there and they have continued on to much of what I believe in. Like a tapestry… once I start pulling threads the whole thing will unravel. God and His son Jesus have long been a major part of my life. I don’t think I could turn my back upon Them but the fact that I question my relationship… what I believe… unnerves me. Quite possibly it could be that I’m realizing that God will not directly intervene in my life like a fairy tale. No, I’m pretty much on my own as far as where my life goes and what is done with it. Now I’m trying to figure out where to go from here.

It’s not that I am questioning the existence of God or Heaven or Hell. I’m realizing fully that I can choose to do whatever I want and not be struck down by lightning or something to that effect. I could become a Satanist and still live a prosperous and productive life. Free will is just that… the freedom to do whatever I choose. At any moment I could walk away from what is my life… or even take my own life… and nothing could stop me. I understand now why the military will train a sniper to believe that he is the Hand of God. We have the power to decide who lives or dies on this Earth… there will be no angel to swoop down and stop the bullet or blind the shooter.

People die of sickness randomly. I know of two clients at work who are dying now of cancer. One has been diagnosed as terminal with no hope for survival… chemo-therapy has been discontinued. It is only an issue of pain management now. I have a co-worker whose brother-in-law is not expected to live over the weekend because of cancer that has spread throughout his body. He can only murmur sounds and is incoherent… his body incapacitated… as the cancer slowly destroys his brain. What an awful way to die and worse than that… the family can do nothing but watch and wait for it to end.

My life is divided into what is possible and what is probable. While I believe miracles are real and that any one of these people could be healed… it is not probable that it will happen. I’m not really sure what that means concerning my Faith. Looking for a direct cause and effect in these scenarios is pointless. The Bible says “the rain falls on the just and the unjust” so you can’t really look at a person’s life and say… “see how God has blessed this man for being a good Christian”. There is another guy who lives just as prosperously and is evil to the core.

I’ve lost my faith as a child where I believe whatever is told to me. Besides, life has never been black and white where you just do as you’re told and everything will work out. The Bible doesn’t read in such a way that you find an exact solution to every problem. I wish it weren’t so because my decisions would be so much easier to make. There are no answers to why things are the way they are. Why will this person live and that person die? Yes, we have brought all this upon ourselves but that does nothing to make it understandable or less painful.

I’m a father of three… one post teen, one present teen and one pre-teen. I believe the new slang word for a pre-teen is a “tween” now. Having gone through this rodeo once before and currently on the riding circuit with the middle daughter… my youngest is getting the benefit of the road tested experiences. However, if you were to ask the youngest if she was benefiting of anything… I doubt she would agree.

All three kids have different personalities which quite honestly is refreshing at times. They can’t all be treated the same way but there are some similarities in their behavior since all kids have one thing in common… they grow up and don’t need you anymore. But that isn’t what this post is about. What dawned on me this week (as I was learning about how my middle daughter deceived her way out of her friend’s parent’s house and was later picked up at 2AM on the side of the road where the friend’s car had broken down… whew) is that your kids can teach you things about life.

The Bible often speaks of how we are God’s children and I can see how that analogy works when dealing with my own. So let’s look at this latest debacle of my daughter sneaking out of the house. The story is that it was a rescue mission… a good friend was stranded and without a ride and he would never leave her in a bad situation such as this. Instead of calling us and explaining the situation, she took matters into her own hands and was determined to get this friend home.

I don’t want to get too detailed here but I’m pretty sure the motive was genuinely a rescue mission and I don’t think they were up to trouble. However teenagers riding around late at night past the city curfew and patronizing the local hang out that is next door to the local bar is a recipe for disaster. Something is bound to go wrong and that is exactly what happened. Her whole decision making process hinged upon everything happening exactly as she planned. How was she to know that the friend had a brother who was looking for a fight? How was she to know that not only will other teenagers be at the bowling alley but so will the local law enforcement officials (DUH!)?  How was she to know that her friend’s car was going to break down at 1AM on the interstate?

I’m trying my best to be patient and to give her a chance to grow up in her own way. I can’t always be around to make sure she makes the right decisions. Eventually she’s going to be on her own so I’m trying to take this opportunity to teach her something that will be of real benefit in the future. I ask to hear the story of what happened and point out opportunities where she should have realized she was doing something wrong. After she’s done I remind her how she wants all of the “power” of being an adult but she doesn’t want any of the responsibility.

My epiphany was summed up with one question. “Did you ever consider what you would do if something went wrong?”

We were silent for a moment until she finally said “no, not really” in her usual “like-I-give-a-damn” attitude. I’m pretty sure the attitude was a defensive mechanism when exposed to the reality that she had done something stupid. Instead of getting upset over the attitude… I tried to keep the focus on what she could learn from this incident. “I think God is trying to tell you something. Be grateful that everything worked out fine and you got home safe.”

She whipped back “yeah, yeah. Mom already told me this. I shouldn’t add to or take away from what you tell me to do. None of this would have happened if I wasn’t there to begin with.” I shook my head with a loud “Nope!” My wife was right to tell her that… I did agree but I was trying to look at the bigger picture. “No, I think He’s trying to get you to examine your whole decision making process.”

The funny thing is that I’m already trying to teach the youngest about accepting personal responsibility. Specifically, accepting the consequences of a decision regardless of the outcome. Regardless of how much wisdom we may be seeing here… this did not help my frustration when dealing with the absurdity of the middle daughter’s actions. Now before you want to call me all pious and self-righteous… read the caption to this post again.

What you can learn from a teen ager is that we, as adult Christians, are just as rebellious and stubborn as the average run of the mill 17 year old.  Taking matter into your own hands? Unwilling to accept personal responsibility? What, you think all Christians are angelic in nature? No, when I doubt God’s plan for me or doubt that there is even a plan at all… I’m being just as bull-headed as my daughter. When we tell her that the trust issue isn’t so much us with her as it is her with us… that’s like Jesus smacking me on the bad of my head. Yeah, my daughter doesn’t trust us to act as though we really love her when she does something wrong… does that sound familiar to anyone out there reading?

I’ll be the first one to admit that there are times when I feel like God doesn’t love me or that my consistent daily failures to abide by His Will disqualify me from His Grace. Yes, there are limitations to what I’m willing to do for my daughter despite my love but I’d never stop loving her. So why am I so afraid to trust God with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons NOT to trust Him. Why do I keep feeling like I’ll be giving up all my freedoms if I do what He commands?